I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
