when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
There r osticjed everywhere
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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