So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
