I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
