just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
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