I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize