walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
if only i could text you this smell
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
