I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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