i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
