Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
