Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Found the puke drawer
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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