He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
