So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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