I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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