dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
