you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
