I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
