dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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