There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
