i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
