i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?