I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.