How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.