You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
