Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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