I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
