The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
