she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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