About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
