Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
