do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
