Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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