Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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