i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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