In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
