Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Randomize
