how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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