Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
