we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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