Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
