What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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