My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
