I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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