Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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