I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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