Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
