Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
