I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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