He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
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I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
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Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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