no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
