Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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