Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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