My nipple is on Facebook.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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