Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
