If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
