My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My ass is underappreciated
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
