I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
