Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
