The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
