Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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