I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
birth control should be required to get into college
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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