in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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