if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
