im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
