The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Randomize
