Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
