i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
